Keeping Your Cool in the Toughest Mothering Situations.

Well, it has happened again.  Last night, I realized I have not taken care of the task of preparing for the holiday weekend.  Our three children are old enough to know that the Easter Bunny is supported almost solely by their parents, so it may not seem like a big deal to skip a year this time around to save everybody (meaning, me) a bit of trouble.  However, our children have opted into playing what we call "The Game".  This game is the silent understanding and agreement that the Easter Bunny is essentially me and that as long as they play The Game and expect a basket full of colored grass, candy and something new and (hopefully) cool,  the "Easter Bunny" will provide. The Game came about as result of our two oldest children being told by our youngest and most practical child that all holiday icons (Santa Claus,  Easter Bunny, etc.) are, indeed, my husband and I. So, a family discussion of the facts-of-holidays followed and the gig was up.  We all decided that holidays are fun and part of the fun, aside from the vacation from school and family time, is the tradition that each holiday holds. Thus, the The Game was created, agreed upon and commenced and it has been played ever since. . . But, I have digressed.

The point of this blog is that early this morning, after dropping everyone at school or the bus, I made a last minute dash to my old get-it-done-quick standby. . .Target.  This morning the place was packed! I guess I am not the only one that the holiday sprung up and surprised this year.  So, I am making my way through the seasonal section, when I hear a child crying on the other aisle and the mother's response was tense with anger and frustration when she said "Get back in the cart and stay there!" My first response when I hear anger from a parent toward a small child is always the same: a sick feeling in my stomach.  This sick feeling is not created by anger at the parent or fear for the child's safety, which, arguably, it may well ought be.  The sick feeling comes from the last lingerings of a memory of losing my cool in a similar situation with one or all of our children when they were young.  Yuck! I don't like revisiting that memory. Yet, I know, I am not alone.

Mothering is a full time job and can be stressful at times. Then add in the necessities and responsibilities of living an adult life and it seems as if it is impossible to relax and stay calm when our children knowingly or unknowing push our "hot" buttons. And just to say what I imagine some of you are out there thinking: they always seem to push the "hot" buttons when the pressure is at a peak level.  It often feels as if they know it is the very worst time to "act up", which only escalates the possibility of losing our mothering cool.  Well, I am here to tell you their is a reason those peak pressure times are the hardest times to maintain our cool. It is all in our biology.  It is part of how are bodies are made to function.

We have a normal physiological response to events that make us feel threaten or upset our balance in some way.  This is called the stress response (aka fight-or-flight response) and it is our body's way of protecting us and in an emergency, can save your life or your child's life by giving you extra strength and energy.  The problem is that when a person senses danger or a feeling of imbalance, the body does not know the difference between real or imagined danger. So, you could be feeling out of balance, i. e. nervous or anxious about a report at work that is due the next day, then, that night your child is awake most of the night with an upset stomach.  Now, it is today, the day report is due, and you are lacking a good night's sleep.  Not one of the above circumstances is life threatening, but the body perceives the out-of-balance effect and says: this is a time to start the physiological chain of events to help protect you from danger. The result is the stress response, which is meant to make us react quickly, without thinking what we are doing or saying--not the best frame of mind to be in when keeping our mothering cool is necessary.  So, how do you manage life and biology to keep the stress response on deck, and only on deck, for times of real danger?  First, check out this website for ways to manage stress. Next, know that it is important to know what triggers a stress response in you. Once you know what your triggers are use methods that reverse the stress response and liberally.

The method I use and that works, for me, is aromatherapy.  In a matter of 22 seconds, a moment of incredible tension and stress can be relieved, allowing me to a pause and respond with intention rather than tension. The example I give others when I talk about how fast and effective aromatherapy can be is the day I was driving with our "tweenage" daughter. It had been a particularly stressful day and during our talk, a sensitive topic came up and next thing I knew she had unleashed a stream of tears and insults.  Thank goodness for the stoplight that road delivered!  I reached in my purse and pulled out StressAway blend, applied it to my wrists and neck and took a deep breath.  As the light turned green, I knew I could handle anything.  About 30 seconds later, my daughter, who had been crying, took a deep breath and started laughing! She then said she didn't know what was wrong with her and made a joke about crazy hormones.  We both started laughing at her joke.  I pulled over and gave her a hug!  Can you guess which oil I make room for in my purse to have on hand now that I have two teenagers and a "tweenager"? That's right StressAway!

Are you wondering what happen to the child and mother at Target this morning? Well, I'll tell you.  I grabbed my StressAway blend, applied it generously, scooted to the next aisle where the mother and child were and slowly, very slowly passed them so as to allow a little "guerrilla aromatherapy" to occur.  By the time I was in the next aisle, child and mother were quietly talking about the Easter items on the shelves.

Enjoy :)

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