As I can imagine many mothers are able to attest, the gifts and trials of mothering are constantly being placed in front of us by our children. Because mothering is a 24/7 commitment, whether one works outside the home full-time, part-time or is in full-immersion mode, we are constantly being put to the test of learning and growing along the way. There is a huge subject to be covered if I chose to concentrate on either the gifts or the trials category, so today I will focus on gifts and only one of them: seeing the world through the eyes of a child. The desire to discuss this topic came to me because of an situation that occurred with one of my children recently. Due to my child's desire to put the situation into the past, I will say only that it involved the innocent desire to be accepted among friends and a visit to the principal's office. Suffice to say no great harm was done and yet there was such a gift in the ability to see the world and the situation from the point of view our 10 year old child.
The candor with which our child shared with me the thoughts and emotions that influenced the "incident" reminded me of one of the joys I used to revel in as a mother of very small children. On spring days, when the weather was fine, I would bundle up the kids and head out to our fenced-in yard and watch the the kids explore. All three of them would fan out across the grass, tromp around the ivy and pick up random items and present them to me as "gifts". These gifts would consist of anything from a clot of dirt to a fully bloomed daffodil. One of my favorite moments was when one or all three of our children would run over excitedly yelling:
"Mommy, Mommy! Look what I found!" I would then be ushered over to see the first crocus of the season.
Of the array of gifts I would accumulate, the ones that sparked a warm glow deep inside me and an appreciation of each of our children's loving personalities were the gifts that ran along the lines of the clot of dirt. The gratitude I developed for the unsung virtue of the clot of dirt was the response that came from the child when I offered them the opportunity share with me what they loved about the gift they were giving. The answers would vary from:
"See, Mommy, if you look real close in the sunlight, it sparkles." To:
"It looks like a heart."
As our children have grown, I have started to miss the gift of the world being revealed to me through the untarnished perspective of one or all three our children. As they have grown they still provide me with a fresh perspective and yet, they are slowly being transformed by the responsibilities that come with moving through school, interactions with peers, sports and other activities, in other words--Life. Sometimes there is not even time for them to stop and see the first blooming crocus or stand and gaze in awe at the power of crashing waves. Sound familiar?
This change from a child's view to a more adult world view happens when we see our children start to grow and mature into their responsibilities. With these responsibilities comes a problem. The problem, as I see it, is that within this adult world view there is a shift of attitude from "a sense of wonder" to an attitude of "what needs to be done next and by when?" This shift seems to rob them and us of joy. A joy that comes from a feeling of wonder the world offers us in the natural beauty and simplicity of its laws. So, how does one get the sense of wonder back and maintain the responsibilities that are required of us in the world in which we live?
I have spent much time and effort towards answering the above question because I believe, for me, it is one of the keys to living a happy life. The basic answer is balancing both responsibilities and the enjoyment opportunities of life. How to put this into practice?
Here are my tricks. They are simple and few:
1. Turn off the news. The news very rarely reflects anything happening that will directly effect you or your family. If the news does, I guarantee you will already know about it before it airs publicly or you will hear about it sooner rather than later. If you must pay attention to the news, minimize your exposure and the form of sensory input: listening to the news by the radio only requires one of the five senses so it will not likely impact your attitude as much as TV news which uses three or reading it in the newspaper which requires two.
2. Spend time in the natural world, with nature, with animals or small children as much as possible. The rules of the natural world are so simple and animals and small children naturally attune to these laws providing a much needed reminder of the beauty of simplicity that still exists in an ever more complex world.
3. Play everyday! Do something everyday that provides you an opportunity to have fun and enjoy your life. Even if it is as simple as taking a walk listening to your favorite music on your headphones. Fun, in my opinion, is attitude based rather than activity based.
4. Learn to say "no" kindly and respectfully, not just to people asking you to take on more than you are willing and able, but more importantly, learn to say it to your children. By saying it to others you model it for your children and by saying "no" kindly to your children, their activities will not overwhelm their lives or YOUR life.
5. Take time everyday to be alone with yourself. I start my day, everyday, with this practice and if it is skipped for some reason, I truly miss it. During this time alone with myself, is when I use the aroma of essential oils to enhance my focus and experience. One of my favorite oils for reconnecting to a sense of wonder is: Inner Child. I drop it onto my hands, rub them together and cup my hands over my nose and mouth and deeply inhale for 20 seconds. I then say the following affirmation aloud: "I am so happy and grateful for the creativity that is me. I embrace, revere and protect the child within."
Once I started practicing the above 5 steps in my life consistently, I started to feel space open around me again. The world began to feel much more expansive and the opportunities for learning, curiosity and wonder started reappearing in my life. And low and behold, now, it is me exclaiming excitedly; "Look what I found!" and ushering our children to see the first crocuses of spring.
Enjoy :)
Would you like a simple mothering solution offered to you? Leave a comment and let me know what you need :)
Enjoy :)
Would you like a simple mothering solution offered to you? Leave a comment and let me know what you need :)
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